wanna go halves on a baby?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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