If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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