It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
