im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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