I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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