i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
