he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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