lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Randomize
