just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
