Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
only you would photoshop your dick
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You need Xanax blowdarts
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
