Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
