I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Randomize
