Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
