i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
There's always time for handjobs
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
