you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
