so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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