dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
