My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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