He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
