He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Randomize
