Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
