she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
