Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I wish there were birth control emojis
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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