The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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