I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
