No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
