You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i came on her dog
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
