Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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