Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
