so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
