but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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