make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
