He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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