More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
There r osticjed everywhere
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
