i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
