Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
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I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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