I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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