The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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