think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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