I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Randomize
