Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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