My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
the raccoons are back...
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