I wish I could teleport
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
