You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
