in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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