oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
