Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize