he shaved USA in his pubs
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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