The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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