my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
