You're completely useless in the revolution.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
