oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I have fence marks all over my body
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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