i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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