I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Enjoy the penises
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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