there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
