I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
