Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
