i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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