He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
