butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
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Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
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He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
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