she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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