do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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