i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
